Self Inserts in fanfiction.

Generally self inserts tend to be about empowerment. Hence why they suck usually. Mary sue portrayals of people who aren’t anywhere as great as they claim in real life. They generally tend to give them things like harems as well. If it’s a female, usually a harem of the hottest guys in the series. Or a male, then it’s females going after him.

There are a few though that can be done well. My only defense of these fics is that people typically tend to think that it’s ALWAYS a given that the characters from series are out of character. But that usually stems from idiocy and the idea that unless it centers on their favorites, then it’s not worth shit. Which is just utterly shallow and pathetic.

Of course I’ve never written a self insert fanfic myself before, and have only appeared in two amateur fics. But the guy (AKA the real me and not the character that this account is role playing as) writing them has been told by a few people that he’s more skilled than most people with as little experience as he has. But it’s not much though. So don’t take my word for it. Go and hound professionally paid writers to tell you how it’s done.

If you want to write a fanfiction then here’s my own personal 7 steps you should follow. Because I fucking said so. Now STFU and read the law. Cause law is my middle name. But no seriously. Just read and judge for yourself on how to avoid self righteous douches from claiming that you’re making a SI fic. Now listen to the song in the video down below and learn.



1: Make sure the character DOES NOT look like you. Make him/her look different. If you have short hair, give him/her long hair. In my case, I’m not a self insert. In fact I’m the farthest thing. The fuckwad writing my… “Biographical” adventure has short human hair. I’ve got spiky Dragon Ball Z hair that would name me as king of the spike heads. At least until I meet someone else with hair spiky than mine. I’m also possibly 5 foot 9/10, or 6 feet tall at least, and 6 foot 2 at most. Him? He’s either 5 foot 7/8 at least. 5 foot 9 at most. I have a job as a stupid cop who attempts to stop 12 muggings and 2 drug deals in the span of 30 minutes and winds up in the hospital due to massive gun shot wounds. Him? He’s a spineless coward who wouldn’t even join the damn neighborhood watch. Not unless you’ve got tons of guns and knives. Legal guns.


2: Don’t make him invincible. If it’s going to have action and it’s a universe where people are super powered, then don’t make him fucking human either. It’s not realistic to have him fighting against super powered people unless he’s got some semblance of power. Me? I’m 95% human and 5% Saiyan as you can tell from my pictures. I’m about as physically powerful as Spiderman on a bad day (Got dem strong bones afterall. Drink yo milk babies). But I’m also about as physically capable of surviving a gunshot through the ear as Batman. So you shoot me through the ear and I might… No… I would fucking be one dead fuck. If this were DBZ Abridged I’d be the brand new Yamcha. It wouldn’t even be called Yamcha. It’d be called getting Kai-ed. Like Yamachaed, except with my name instead. Only skill I’ve got is shooting small energy blasts out of a medium like a gun. Or fusing the energy to bullets. Still trying to learn how to shoot it out of my hands. So remember kids. In an OC, make sure he’s got balls. But also make sure he has his limits. I was fighting some freak named carnage. But I still needed two other peoples help to finish him off.


3: If you’re into harems, then don’t fucking give the harem to the character like everyday is a fucking snow filled Christmas holday. He can wait for girls to be after his dick, and so can you. I know you’ve got it in you. Relationships and one sided relationships realistically happen over time. And usually if they don’t then it’s just some woman trying to gold dig or some douche trying to find a personal punching bag to stick his pen15 into. Or events that are so dramatic that they brainwash girls. Like you just so happen to save their lives from their ex boyfriend and claim in public during the battle that you’ll protect her with your life no matter when or where. But either way, unless the girl in question is a helpless character in context, then keep her in character and have the affections come after some time has passed. Don’t be the kind of writer who makes a female character fall in love as fast as Cecilia Alcott did to Orimura Ichika. Don’t just suddenly give the female MachoAppreicaNitis. It’s a fake name I just came up with for a a not so uncommon mental disorder in females in anime that makes it to where they fall in love at any sign of generic manly macho behavior. Like about to beat her in combat but taking it easy on her. Or by defending her from bullies and such. Don’t do this unless the character has this mental disability in context. Look at me for example. I don’t have a flock of girls hounding after my dick. I might be able to if I try. But I’m probably too much of strange person in story for it to work. And the author is too lazy and too much of a smart ass to let me have that. Won’t even make me a bunch of OC’s for it. Not that I really give a shit. And neither should you. There’s a lot more fun things in life that are important than making fap fantasy garbage.



4: Eat a sandwhich


5: Don’t make him like you in terms of ideals.  Only ideals that should be the same are ideals that are a genuine consensus around society. Give him ideals that are vastly different. Let’s say that the author of my fic has an ideal that says “The would should let gay people marry”. Now let’s say I have the ideal that “Gay people should only be allowed to marry gay fish”. See? It’s perfect. Well… Maybe a little extreme. But you get the idea.


6: Don’t give him/her too many powerful origins. There was one time I had a dream where I was half Saiyan, half Kryptonian, and was raised by Asgardian gods. Keep in mind though that I was in a comedy apparently. And that’s the only place where something stupidly crazy like that would work. Comedy. So keep those outrageous origins to nut ball comedy. Stick to one chosen race that would give him an edge in combat.


7: Don’t EVER give him the same name as yourself. What if one day your reader discovers your identity happens to have the same name as your character? If you give him the same name it’s quite fucking obvious that you’re self inserting.

Now that you’ve learned something (I hope you fucking dicks and hoes did) let’s leave off with something completely irrelevant.


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